weirdwhatwhy and related

Hey,
I have been confirmed in one week by already 5 people (which should be a representative average number for the week + the fact that they are known and trusted sources) that I am a weirdo. Specially to women.
See OCT 27 already making its appearance.
I hear the word "hippy" more often, but it is only related to my constant state of mind, attachment to persons and detachment to 'thingies', TV, car, phone or whatever models should be in the market, design, flashy devices, cosmetics (I changed cream to olive oil), tendency to communal life, shoe ignorance, trend ignorance, no born need for shopping despite genre, environmental awareness, lack of evil radar, lack of evil thoughts or actions, groupie soul, vowing hand made music, attraction to flesh and blood humans (the smallest trace of anything related to gel, perfume, plastic or gym, the better)
and so forth. Hippie in their mouths sounds to me like unspoiled, so I take it as a compliment, despite the lifestyle I am compelled to live, NOT for MUCh LONGEEER!!!

But the weirdo thing still keeps me wondering. If it's good or bad it only reflects a concrete amazement but in way different reactions. It differences, so let's welcome it.
If I would I have known before would I have begun to live according to a tag?

So I am a weirdo, assumed. Therefore I attract weirdos, logically. But I wasn't living according to a tag, so here is the downside:
What my pleaser (because I am also a pleaser) side would try to do in the weirdo-unconciousness is trying to be less a weirdo at moments I have felt to puzzle others in highly inspired moments (to others and you: doing or saying weird things).

Since this won't work for no weirdos I try to observe the no weirdos to learn from them. That is: get close to see what is what's supposed to be 'normal' (is that the antithesis of weird?)
It works in a very superficial way, as a logical and mathematical equation.


Ok, I sucked at maths, but figure the calculation: As I attract weirdos, out of a weirdo+weirdo addition should become a positive number so that's what I should stick to, no?.

So an attempt to being or 'acting' normal is always going to result in (sticking to maths) a sustraction.
Why try?
To please. Dead simple. Why the pleaser? Aaah, the bloddy hippie, I see.

Well, then, I will have to celebrate weirdness as my pleasing has lead to a lack of a positive number, basically .

And I am done with it. If only things could speed up, I am definetely on the right path, thank life and circumstances.

If only I could get the kick, that support... It would be as fast as a heartbeat. I know the weirdo I am quoting, and even not read by, I know it must be, because the equation clears the X...

So, best to keep on the same road and same track. Because I have to make very very clear, that it cannot be any other way.
If some points of view, if some actions are tagged, we humans have to accept some people are just unable to once do an effort to understand.
There goes the pleaser again striving for love and celebration of diversity.
In the end I myself have my own concept of weirdos, but it's seen more plastic than intrinsic, anyway.
I won't recover if another wound is made but I will surely learn the hard way which people are not even worth the effort (the benefit of the doubt is proving useless).

So now I am afraid. Discovering is always a painful road, and hope mine leads to success.

What is going on right now in my space if not weird, extremely cute. Animal love. Her love for love, but her love for independence (and I don't say it lighltly, she loves her hours of, say, supported autonomy, but when her time is up, she needs to be released to funnily move on to a new space of supported autnomy, what a life!)
Arriving home to being cuddled is great. And she definetely CAN cuddle, man! She is not here right now, if she was here, I couldn't even type as I would be so intrusively cuddled. Specially when I am on the computer, she just goes on the keyboard and all over my face...

I admire her. She spends hours minding her own space. Whenever I call her I know she will reply, that's about enough.
I am talking about a cat, these creatures really amaze me! The funniest thing about her is that she doesn't even have a stomach-related dependency, She knows where I live, she requests access, she hangs around, gives love, doesn't ask for more than a few cookies (2) and just enjoys the company.

Being drooled, purred and squeezed at times also works for me, so it works for us both (although I tend to request more attention than her, as I don't see her too often)
She has adopted me. I bought her a toilet so she can move in with me, if she feels like staying for a longer while. She is welcomed anyway, she can take care of herself, I try to convince myself. My downstairs and upstairs neighbours say she also hangs around with them.
I know she has an owner, I don't pretend to become it. And she doesn't expect that from me.
I just try to make sure she leaves when she feels like it not when she has to (therefore the toilet). That's the way it should be. If she gets the facilities, she won't be compelled to leave due to major circumstances and she will always be back.
And if she wants to move in, her choice, but I kinda like her as she is, with her need to go out and explore other places.

I don't know her name. She responds best to the letter "E". And she is extremely sweet but amazingly weird. Coming back to the above, she takes care of me to make sure my balance is kept.

And we fit so good together because I like her and accept her as she is (although I can't help worrying about her, we humans always think we know better).
I hope I am giving her what she needs when she comes around, so she can always find a shelter.

Anyhoo, two picts of E chewing my magazines and petting my scarf!






EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE



Today's feelings:
- it's not going to happen and I will reassure myself I am not only amazingly
resourceless but unable

- on the other hand, it is always proved to be that way. Any other sign of
initiative are unlearned (I like to look at the psychological trauma, rather than
blame it on my lack of stimulus -due to my culture we say in Catalan "d'on no
n'hi ha no en raja" (you won't get water from an empty fountain) so I am applying
my cultural inheritance as a motto and new self made motivation. Unfortunately...

- There goes the love and all. What you give, you always think is what you get.
NOOO? WRONG!