This is a bit boring reflective crap. These days I have been realizing that when there are expectatives of things going well I always look for something to worry about, and if not, I am reminded of it. Probably I created that energy and attracted the perfect person to bring me down. It's like having a magnet to give someone that chance.
The key person didn't throw you the rope when you were at the end of the hole. Once on the surface you remember how fresh the air can be, and I am thankful I could crawl out alone. Can't help but wonder, why once out I am being denied a hand to guide the way ahead. Words didn't help, actions would only be seen on the negative side. Of course a vicious circle tells you you might not be worth the effort after all. I keep the hope. Maybe keeping silent and letting the one process all is the solution. Doesn't look too much like that. Some people just see the problems of all.
I gave up expecting a knock on my door and the helping hand... At least there is no foot pushing me into abyss...
Maybe I just need a holiday. But so far, I am just going to sleep again to live the wanted reality in dreams.
I have been composing things lately I hum on the way to somewhere. As usual. Being here is like being stuck, but I am secluded for a while. The release will make it a very long journey on the way to nowhere.
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