26 de desembre 2011

if I could be that strong mountain

Quick report from my little universe.
Little universe is telling me to climb that mountain. While I surrender: to thoughts, to Morpheus, to love and to that confusing moment of transition that leads to excesses and impulsive actions. I love the craziness of impulsive actions. They can change the course of the whole day, week, sometimes they can change your life.

In a thanking round I thank the universe so many times for throwing these gifts at me. I admit I sometimes don't quite know what to do with them. Ashamed, I ask for forgiveness and promise to be a better learner. I have so much more to learn, it is an exciting road, but filled with obstacles. You trip on them and have to get up alone. The ones you thought where along the road vanish. Same old.

 Rivers, my new passion during my trip to the South Island. I've always wanted to live by the sea. But rivers carry so much magic and so much laughter.

I've taken some time off from things happening and I just let them happen. Quick sand, a new fantasy. Artax in "The Swamps of Sadness". Artax succumbs to the sadness. Such a beautiful metaphor. I pray to the infinite expanding space to manifest the meditative mountain where thoughts flow through waterfalls to the river of life. One of those exhausting tracks uphill. But the weather at the top is an amazing evening blue.

Preparing to say good bye to the magic beauty of New Zealand.

With an unfulfilled cycle, I didn't want to have to come back. I might just ignore it and accept the loss.
What can I say:  

Cal dir adéu a la porta que es tanca i no hem volgut tancar.

12 de desembre 2011

créer des liens...

Back indoors and in a reflecting mood, I would like to share latest developments and events with those who care.

Goal-less time after finishing my teaching degree in Auckland, celebrating major milestones in my life. Conscious and unbounded of the dream that never existed. In peace with that. Happy.

This morning is the result of a celebration. This morning is a hangover of months of learning, and unlearning what was not necessary any longer. Attempting to put all into practise is creating a force field I need to overcome. Contrary to the title of this post, I am undoing des liens. It is a very difficult process. It is a strange mental process that hits me and carries me down to limboesque transitions. It still surprises me when it's there. I see myself pretending it's not, resisting to a change that is necessary. I have never paid so much attention to energy as now. I can feel it changing with every slight modification. I can't control it. I don't know how to let go. And yet, I feel it is going to happen soon. I hope I'm well prepared.

My new home, NZ. The NZ chapter is slowly closing. A new one opening. This is a new beginning and the excitement of beginnings leaves all in the air, which always scares me a bit at the same time.

I wake up and prepare my espresso. I hear the coffee boiling, the steam whistling and the aroma of the coffee travelling through the corridor. The sound, taste and smell of a day beginning.
Il faut des rites. Elle fait ses rites. And for a while, she feels like writing again, after admitting that she didn't do as much reading as she promised to.

I have been able to see more of New Zealand and set off travelling, the need came naturally and I was glad to welcome the travelling bug again. Thanks to the rowdy rebels for being the best company one can imagine. It sounds like farewell, yes, but paths cross and split. On this planet and in this amazing trip called life.

When I was in Vietnam I met an extremely interesting person, maybe one of the most cultured and captivating human beings I have crossed paths with. I have talked about him before in my blog, because he is truly admirable. He is a journalist. He called me an emotional writer and told me people like to hear names, numbers and see proof. I try to capture things in such parameters, and in the end I bring back sensations...

This is a more journalistic try...
It is December and Summer hasn't really settled in NZ. We have been blessed with some amazing days but the clouds have found the way to the Island of the white cloud...
After my graduation speech I joined the GPNZ campaigning team in Mount Manganui. The place had witnessed the oil spill disaster, spilling nearly 300 tons and killing around 20000 birds. The guys have been campaigning incessantly in a place surprisingly reluctant to cooperate. It was heartbreaking to find out. Paradoxes of life.
I have moved further to Coromandel where I have seen the most spectacular coastal landscapes to the point of seeing myself hyperventilating until I could stop, breathe and feel one with that nature in front of me, in a meditative state. I have no camera to show what I saw, but I still go back to the images in my mind, to that great place of light to recall what I felt.

After a break to sort paper stuff in Auckland (still busy at the moment) we set off to visit Cape Reinga, the most northern point in New Zealand. We were welcomed by a thick mist, we made it to the lookout and then nature opened up to show us a furious fight between the Tasman and the Pacific sea, representing the Ying and the Yang, the union between man and woman, a unique manifest of the power of nature that doesn't cease. I opened this post with a picture of it. Amazement overtook us and we sat there mesmerized observing the show of mother sea. The mist came back after a while and gave us the sign to move on.

The next day we descended the dunes in body boards. It was a great adrenaline kick, and I must say I enjoyed myself greatly watching others glide down. Crazy fun.

We had dinner around the Waipoua forest and observed the oldest kauri tree in NZ. As Shai, my Catalan connection in NZ would put it, New Zealand feels like a theme park. To me it is this gorgeous and friendly place where wicked people and wicked phenomena of nature meet. Thanks to the Maori culture the country has a soul, a meaning, a heart and a lot of magic and energy.

This is a short "taste" of what it feels to be on the road again. A true blessing. My life has mainly consisted in travelling since 1994, when I set off to the States and visited the whole country at the tender age of 19. I felt something I never felt before, an absolute crazy need to move with the Earth, I am in love with this planet.
I am looking forward to more travelling and more moments. I must admit my responsibilities here and some very unfortunate events back in the Netherlands put me off a bit from being able to fully enjoy. It reminded me I am not totally free, that I am dependable. It irritated me to have to abruptly reconnect to that, but after my little inner tantrum I have managed to calm myself down. The arrival of acceptance. It is the way it is.

Seeing my family soon to feel their warmth and their love. Let the aerial roots set to the ground to remind me where I come from, fill me up with something I can't describe, yes, I'll call it a soft landing of the aerial roots.
Hopefully seeing my cigroneta, my better half, in Amsterdam, if not in Paris, even if it is for a day, I need to hug you, feel you and enjoy the fact that we are, and we'll always be.

A sweet melancholic, half asleep loving breeze making its way through the rain.
A need to hug the world, softly, into my awakening.