Christmas has meant for years to come, family obligations and unnecessary caloric input.
These last years, as we grow older means coming closer to my beloved ones and spending some family time the old fashioned way.
Since I arrived here the air is different. But also very emotive. It has started this last day of shift when the guys managed to make me cry despite my warnings.It's a Christmas tradition in me: an unexplicable and unconsolable sadness. But I am not the only one.
On special dates you think of special people and there you go, tears just flow freely, despite my efforts to appear cheerful. I should cherish more what I have and stop concentrating in what I can't have. It doesn't depend on me any longer.
I took a walk on the alley, my old neighbourhood, with the church at the end of the street and the bar on the corner. As I was going down someone had been runned over a car. The crowd was already big enough for me to do something about it and for me to help in any way, I don't like morbid vouyerism.
As I went down the church's street towards the new library another image moved me even most. It froze my heart. Figure the sadness I already came with, the shock to see a body covered on the street and some meters further down an old man was trying to cross the street. I was on the other side. Cars wouldn't stop. I stopped one moment to observe the man had more than motor problems. And so it hit me. I turned around. The old man was lying on the ground, on my side of the path crying in despair. It is loneliness, I know. I recognize it. A new crowd formed, the cars stopped. My empathy was turning my soul into one with that old man. Because I feel lonely and being next to my family reminds me how lonely I am going to end in the years to come.
I runned to him and hugged him, gave him a kiss and kept going to visit my best (girl)friend's family.
Once again I talked about her and concluded that they should support her more than ever and forget to mention any regrets. And then, uncontrollably, there I was so vulnerable crying in the arms of her mother.
I love you as if you were my twin, Cigroneta. And I missed you there that moment. I want to see you happy because we both build up strenght together. So stay on!
I will be down all the way to 2009. Can't help it.
What bothers me the most is that I will try my last resorts to confirm I am searching water in an empty well. And to loose a little bit of life by loosing a little bit I so want to be part of mine.
So far about Christmas for me in 2008.
24 de desembre 2008
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Mala época para pensar en la familia. Yo también tuve mis momentos nostálgicos el 24 de diciembre. Esa noche fuimos a cenar a casa del agrónomo y de su mujer, Theo y Francoise. Sus hijos, ya mayores, no estaban presentes en la cena de nochebuena, uno vive en Tana y la otra en Francia, así que Florian, el otro Florian y menda hicimos de hijos adoptivos. La comida muy buena, pero, en mi humilde opinión, se pasaron ocho pueblos con el ajo.
Al día siguiente fuimos a la playa, una de esas playas con arena blanca y cocoteros que tanto abundan por estas latitudes. Unos amigos alquilaron un bungalow con acceso a la playa (por lo demás, únicamente frecuentada por vacas) y estuve varias horas saltando olas, cosa que no hacía desde hace lo menos veinte anyos. En esos momentos fui feliz.
Back to normal life: hemos hecho números y nos queda pasta hasta finales de febrero, más o menos lo que teníamos calculado. La faena se acaba a principios de enero, lo demás es follow up para evitar plagas. Así que igual regresamos a Berlín en febrero. Una vez más, todo está en el aire: dos inversores interesados, sin concretar nada...
Un deseo, un lujo para 2009: poder organizar mi vida a, al menos, un anyo vista. Tampoco es pedir demasiado...
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