16 de maig 2008

good girl

That was good.
Everybody. Never try to lie to yourselves.

05 de maig 2008


The worst thing of getting to know one's previously ignored acts is to be able to recognize the simptoms, the future moves and the consequences.

I am at this very moment acting passive-aggressivity out, out of spite, and due to lack of active-aggressive ressources. I don't like to have to and I hate to detect it, damn!

And knowing I am digging my own grave by doing it (because I so very know the consequences), I make a call and shout:

Somebody do f*** something about it, I don't like to be left as a 'later' option: unanswered questions, vague remarks... No feedback. Words that don't deliver and no actions.
The funniest thing about my attitude towards it is that from the very beginning I know for a fact it is a resentful act that only accumulates hatry and negativity. Since it is passive, it reflects and bounces back stronger, right on my face, because I am sensitive and all. Give it a few months and I will be anxious and down.

And still, man! How can I do it any other way?

Beware the passive-aggressiveness. I don't want to, but I can't do better. Hope I am wrong, and something will be done. I am awaiting action, awaiting is passive, the frustration, aggressive.

Today's feelings:
Cuddled with a fury cat, it felt great, but my nose itches.
Waisting time
Confusion: the Homer Simpson way, I don't know, but I don't care (so far)
Confesion: I know too much I shouldn't know, but it is too late now.

03 de maig 2008


It is going over me. Everyone. From the events last year I can say I noticed I got older. I see the signs, some are flattering, and the ones that are not...

The most obvious sign resides in the ability to be worried about external factors, and I call it the Maripreocupations sign. I've always been aware of others but was never before so worried about people, on how they feel or how to try to make them feel better.
I noticed too many things I think can be wrong, and also took the time to look at my 'belly' and let people access it and guide me through. Believe me if I say, I didn't worry about that before.

I gave up fighting over more enviromental matters, the macrouniverse, and decided to begin with the microuniverse, a much more emotional trip.

Humankind has a distinguished touch of not listening unless there is a reward or a punishment involved. Of what we are doing to the world... Nobody cares, we stick to our own business and try to get the best out of it. Maybe I am trying to approach that attitude, and if it should make other people happy... Marypreocupations is maybe not made for it.

I observe... And suffer. I try not to complain too much, bacause I am not always right. What a vicious circle.

I am trying not chat people up in shops and tell them how bad it is to consume tuna, I let the guys who did some work in my appartment fill out bin bags without separating paper from stone but can't help to bite my tongue in despair. I still notice, you know?
I let them mind their microuniverse and don't try to remove them from their limited frame.
In the meantime I work out a couple of rough corners, as I slowly crawl out of the grey cloud. Let's get priorities sorted.

Have I also become more introvert??? Meeee???

If this post doesn't explain the title of this blog, who knows what will.