When I first heard of her death I couldn't quite get her out of my head. Some weeks have passed and now, specially after a hard day, when I think of home, her bony figure comes again to my mind ad her helpless face stays in my thoughts until bedtime.
I would probably not think so much about her if I wouldn't have seen her degrading. Once having been quite a chubby cat she turned into skin and bones. Shaky how she walked and sad how she looked.
I took care of her on her last 2 days of life.
The thing that called my attention was her expressiveness. Once a very independent "leave me alone" kind of cat I could see her following me around, just standing there, and looking in despair. She was like a silent figure that would stand a few meters from you. Probably making sure that you would be close if anything happened, scared as she was of all the funny things going inside of her.
I won't get into the ugly details of her slow killing disease. I also have had my reflection on euthanasia, a theme I have thought so much about. I don't know if I would have taken the step myself, it might have to do with the character and I have always thought I can deal with pain, with suffering. I don't like it, but I'd rather decide myself when to stop with it. Having someone else decide for me wouldn't be fair.
So if I ever go on a coma, I wouldn't like to be switched off, I know I would be struggling, I know myself.
That aside, my family is now missing a member.
The news of her loss was as if a link to many memories had became already a ghost. In any occasion at my parent's place she has always been there, any lunch, any get together... She was part, I picture her. It will be strange not to see her again in all those gatherings I always expect her.
We will miss you. I hope you found your rest now.
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