Random sort of connected highlights, on empathy and bullying

Sadder times. Another discovery journey. 3rd round.

I see my imminent depart from Sydney and as a highlight of the week, I had the chance to close the circle, as they do in hypnotic rituals and go back to the place it all began for me. 
The Alpha of the Sydnean eternal crush, Coogee's charm. So I bade it farewell.

Sydney soon got me busy doing anything but sit and write about my travels, again the hardships of writing in journalistic style. 
I had returned to my favourite corner in the world after my extensive intensive trip around central and southern Europe. Europe always means connecting with the original me through the ones who really love you, it means brutal honesty and painfully lost times. The happiest of days, because you really are in your element, but at the same time it becomes a catalyst that brings out the worst and the best of you.
This time some conversations shed light into a capability of mine I didn't know I had. I always admired empathy and compassion, but I wouldn't describe myself as either.

When I last had my re-birthing session my breath worker said I was learning to allow compassion into my heart. I am glad I have gradually opened up to real good people and stayed at about safe distance from the ones I don't feel warm vibes from.

There is this thing. After getting back in touch with Jay B (yes, I did, he actually found me) and talking to people from that generation, I learnt astoundingly that some early encounters distilled  a quality I didn't know I possessed: empathy. Yaaay...

Still in denial I did an experiment just in case and carefully started registering on a notebook any thought that came to my mind when I was interacting with people or capturing a vibe. And I was proud and shocked to see that my thoughts always had the other person's feelings into consideration, and good intentions, with no exception. Even a thought I'd consider less positive included my interlocutor's feelings or some sort of forgiveness for that thought, some pleasantism, or the art of trying to concentrate in the best of anyone and their genuine nature.

And so I found out that I was empathetic. It seems a joke, but I hadn't been told otherwise in previous years. I have either developed a higher sense of empathy by getting hurt (way to learn, Selveta!), by those Prosecco evenings, which my closest friends would start with: "we love you, but you can't go on like this" or by receiving empathy from very close people when I felt cluelessly helpless.

Once registered I can conclude that as nice and proud one might feel about the discovery, as cool as it is to tap into other people's feelings, I sometimes wish I was back to that blasé attitude that numbs you. But even if i try, it doesn't work any longer.
I have also come to the discovery that I have an uncanny talent to feel fascinated about people on the other side of the spectrum, with the same enthusiasm as I get warm fuzzies when surrounded by the kind-hearted. Guess it reminds me of a then non-chalant self with Bill Murray levels of not giving a f*ck.

I am going back to full-time teaching and to deal with young adults. Fascinating. 
And one thing that amazed me while I first got in contact with the secondary teaching world was that I could sob Claire Danes style in an auditorium, in the teacher's room or in the classroom (fanned by a stack of paper) to bullying stories. 
I have always possessed very high level of fairness. So seeing my peers being unfairly treated by anyone sets me on fire. I also have Ghandi levels of violence, so I would never get to a physical fight with anyone, so the result is a standup, a revolutionary pacific protest, an "I will make everyone know of this injustice, creatively, if possible".

Being neither a cool kid or a cornered misfit is a quality I defined when I met Carolinski (and that is why we felt very identified with each other in that particular area). Carol as an underground trendsetter and fair rights activist and me as more passive and distanced (where is the cat?) with a historical eye rolling indifference towards the so-called popular kids, which, really, present themselves as dull and mere societal sheepish reflections of all those trends that bore you to oblivion. Quacky, static, one-dimensional.

You are seen as weird, but the mainstream so-called "cool" kids tolerate you. The in-between quality allows you and inclines you to protect the bullied ones. 
So that is how I learnt through different childhood/adolescent stories during my European incursion. They felt in some way bullied or cornered and to my delight thanked me for being submitted by me to the strictest resistance tests. That is when the notebook where I noted my empathetic thoughts comes to play. Nothing has changed. I remember those moments and I also recall I never did anything to be cruel on them. I was always looking for their best, though, sometimes, I admit, being a tad patronising... 

Putting certain less "cool" kids to coolness tests was a way to preparing them in an intuitive way to test their boundaries and discover how cool they really were and ARE. And so they learnt to see themselves the way I saw them. 
No matter how cornered a kid (or adult) was, I always gave them a chance. Carefully tried a few approaches, and experienced unusual, whimsical moments with them that allowed me to see the world through their eyes. And to enjoy their unusual awesomeness.

The unpopular kids have the most interesting stories to tell. Weird? I call it interesting. 

So make some room for the teacher in me. Exciting, well deserved and longed for time. Sure some student will call me, with their charming Kiwi accent: "you are weeerd, muss". I can't wait for the compliment. It means empathetic, aware, intuitive and unconventional. And I am proud of it.

Mid- January. A new return to New Zealand. So amazing to have lived so many more times in the Southern Hemisphere than the Northern one. Let this one time be the definitive and make my dreams come true!