contained emotion after fraud police

I haven't updated a single entry upon my arrival to NZ.
I accidentally became too focused on circumstances, forgetting about my life and the exciting notes I had taken during the inspiring AFP concerts. I will really have to add a reminder each time I see my focus shifting. It happens way too often.
AFP gave me the wake up call again after watching a video of a closing speech she gave where she mentions the "fraud police", it is a long speech, but I recommend it.



We make the common mistake to compare ourselves to people we admire profoundly and sometimes we get stuck in wondering why can't we have a little bit of what they have.
I tend to choose someone extremely talented to admire, so I can remind myself I will never come that close, it is a self-punishing thing, but since your goal is way too far, it is justified.
We focus too much in what we lack and allow us to fall into a "Teufelkreis". Not a single nice writing and the idea of a novel rarely being worked on. Not best times for the muses.

Half way to go.
It is winter, I have been leaving the house before sunset and made it back after sunset every day. Darkness and exhaustion. Guilty. Most of my hobbies have been put aside. Later.
And it will take some time.


Today's feelings:
Reconnecting to roots and the loved ones.
7 weeks is too long - finding