11 d’octubre 2017

break the silence

In this historical times my country of birth is being the focus of attention in a scenario we only dreamt about.
The European left has certain hopes on it, after the Greek fiasco, as an exit from the corporative Europe and return to an economy of smaller communities where the people and not the economic interests of corporates, have a say. 
One thing I like of times of change, incertainty, and -why not mention it- certain fear, is that it makes us put other personal affairs aside and focus on a transversal issue that affects in this particular case, the whole Spanish State and Europe, for its character. 
It feels like revolution. And among the noise of the internet era, a lot of great minds let their creativity flow to produce amazing reactions. I like civil disobedience, because only so, people can change things. 

As a constant writer I feel the muses are awake, I am accessing new emotions. 
And, in the end, I decided to have my say, tired of  hearing so many opinions and also tired of reading on and on that one political figure is to blame for the Catalan souveraign movement. The desire of the Catalan nation of becoming independent is a few centuries old. I have had to review the Spanish/Catalan history, from English sources, to confirm that the Spanish sources have even reinvented our history. At school I studied both. The Spanish ancient history had pride in kicking the moors and the Jews to become one nation. The Catalan focused on the loss of culture and referents as the Castilian reign grew. As a note, the Borbons, the current monarchy in Spain, were historically disliked. I am not going to give a history class. Let's say that our desire of independece has passed through so many generations it is almost genetic. 

Past is past. But it leaves its mark in the future. 

From my point of view: ever since I was a child, I never felt Spanish. I felt I was born in a wrong country, where people weren't aware of the world, where there was an almost folklorical pride of being from a monolingual country. Funny enough, I realised that when I spent some holidays in Menorca and became friends with an English girl. I picked up some of the words she spoke and managed to hang out with her and her parents. We are all same same, but not the same.
My parents felt Spanish, my grandfather was a Guardia Civil, Andalusian, a sweet guy always in a good mood and ready to pull a joke or clap to the rhythm. I always saw it as a personality trait, but never raised a hair on my skin. I spoke Spanish at home, because my parents, born in Barcelona and raised in Spanish, met in that language. 
My school was catholic and quite post-dictatorial in views. I had a terrible time there and I used to hide under rucksacks to escape reality. 
By age 10, with an identity crisis, I started blending in with the Catalan reality around me. It felt and sounded right. Both my sister and I decided to stop speaking Spanish to defend the beautiful little language that didn't sound so harsh. If anything, from the adoctrination of my school I must have become a catholic neofascist. But people are not "tabula rasa", we have our character and our views. 
I read somewhere that the independentist vs non-independentist point of view springs from a progressive vs a stagnative view. In the wake of the current situation, the description sounds quite accurate. 
Childhood aside, all I did until my 18s in the sense of belonging to a culture was to demonstrate every 11th of September and claim the "Estatut". I didn't know what it was exactly, I just knew it could do good for my language and culture to blossom (mind you, the Catalan spoken in Barcelona is quite precarious, and I do take care of mine, but it shows where it has been learnt). 
I learnt about the phenomenon of diglossy in my country. We would use Catalan or Spanish depending on the social context. I decided to break with it. Maybe because I am very sensitive to language and culture. Maybe someone else would have chosen to speak Spanish accross all situations, because that was the language of the Spanish State. Maybe it could have been my choice if I had been more interested in Economy, science or painly, if I hadn't been a humanist since age 2. It was a possible choice in the linguistic reality of Barcelona. But I decided to speak Catalan only on Catalan soil. I had friends who preferred speaking Spanish and we would carry our conversations in both languages. It is a nice phenomenon. My Spanish was flawless, so if someone couldn't understand Catalan I could swap to Spanish. Nowadays I can easily express myself in at least 3 further European languages.
In fact, I live abroad since age 18, so there is only one place in the world where I can speak Catalan. 

My parents were always reluctant to send us to a public school. And, like other parents, they believed a Catholic school had better infrastructures and that it showed better values. 
It was a big struggle but I managed to be sent to the school I believed would fit me best. It was a laicist-cooperative school. I liked the fact that the school called itself Cooperative Catalan laicist. The nuns accused me of being a communist. I knew then, that I was making  the right choice. 
My sister was sent to it, too, and her academic records blossomed. We both felt at home there.
During high school there was a movement of "normalisation". That meant bringing Catalan to a normal state, instead of being an anecdotic language, used in some situations, mainly for family conversations. Spain was very young at being democratic, but it started feeling that democracy was kicking in.
And then I moved to the States. And then to Germany, and then to Australia, and then to The Netherlands and to New Zealand. 
I don't know when the Spanish imperialistic feel kicked in. I didn't know about that. That you had to feel Spanish and that feeling Catalan was offensive to some. When I went to England in the 90s, we were divided (not smart) in two groups: kids who flew from Barcelona and kids who flew from Madrid. The Catalans spoke Catalan among them. The Spanish would attack us. I remember I once had to go to an excursion with the Madrid group because I missed my Barcelona group. Kids refused to talk to me, but a Canarian communist and a chilled chick from Madrid. Those acts shape your identity, create a reaction when called names for speaking a regional language. 
You identify with the ones who speak like you, because others insult you for not doing so. 

I have always felt a child of the world. But it is also inevitable to feel part of a community, a country, a culture in a broader way. While living in all different countries, if asked where I was from I always said: Barcelona. Luckily the city had become known after the olympic games. 
If told: "ah, Spanish" I wouldn't deny it, I would just add: "well, Catalan". That's all. 

If someone was ever interested in knowing why I didn't feel Spanish, I would explain myself from my personal point of view. My speech has evolved, and my feelings towards indepence as well, as the political situation changed. It started being a mere: "just feel this way" to a more complex" I identify more with the Catalan language and culture. In a united Europe I don't see the place for a new border, but I believe Spain is like a puzzle put together by monarchic interests and too interested in being homogene, when in reality, it is a multicultural, multilingual country, quite rare in Europe." in the past years.

In Europe, a number of borders correspond with languages rather than ethnical groups or religion. If Spain ever came out of the unilingual closet it should be proud of such a diversity. Catalans feel they have a strong cultural identity, and Spain should celebrate that, recognise that, instead of trying to silence it. I even used to say: "if they only gave us a special status to feel less disdained, that would suffice."

People might mention the Spanish Constitution, agreed by Catalans as well, as if it would make one feel Spanish. After nearly 4 decades of dictatorship any repressed region would have agreed to any text that would have the word "democracy" in it, let alone "autonomy". Gee, who would have even dared to rebell against the non-chosen king?

An autonomous right gave Catalonia the chance to draft their Estatut, their autonomous constitution.

Years have passed, and that text was intercepted (butchered) by the constitutional court. The final version was a big disappointment. They removed the definition of Catalonia as nation: A nation. The UNESCO defines nation as: 

 [...] one where the great majority are conscious of a common identity and share the same culture


We voted for that text. Polònia, a program of political satire I follow, called it Bob-Estatut, inspired in a cartoon for kids. 

 A 'no' would have meant being ruled only by the Spanish constitution. It was a very low move from the conservative government in the hopes to keep that united Spain puzzle put together. And, in my view, to exercise control on a region. I remember, during the referendum for the Estatut, that everyone said: "at least if we vote for it now, we'll be able to re-write it".

After years abroad, my cosmopolitan feeling grew and with it the so-called "equidistance", a certain distance towards what the future of my country would hold, motivated by a new future elsewhere. 
The European union was a promise to move freely in different countries, set my residency anywhere and I was hoping to become Dutch or Australian one day and be able to get rid of the Spanish passport, just so I didn't have to justify my nationality on a piece of paper. 
Recently, I was in Iceland, and the officers were asking people: what country are you from? I didn't know what to answer. I said: my passport says Spain.

When the political situation escalated, I thought it was exaggerated to think that Spain was exploiting us with taxes above our BGP. As a socialist I believed it was fair to chip in for regions that were behind in growth. I had also considered, that if I was to return to Spain, I would move to Extremadura or to the South to get more government aid, to live at a different pace. Friends of mine from the art industry moved to Madrid, because the capital enjoyed better subsidies for arts and culture. 

I believed the people of Spain, a country strongly influenced by socialism, would look at the actions of the radical right party they chose and would wake up. The country did, they rose in May of 2011, it was amazing, a new real left party of intellectuals was born, and a Catalan non-independent, anti-corruption and -so they wanted to show- pro a lot of cool things defied the Spanish bipartidism of extreme right and moderate right. 

And what happened?

No change in the votes. A slight one, no more. But I believed the slight change would stop the "cortijo", the unity by repression and corporative greed. In the meantime, since I visited Barcelona once or twice a year I noticed the change: unaffordable housing, unemployment, impossible cuts in essential matters and a political aversion to the Catalan language, fewer hours of Catalan in schools and cuts in cultural events made in Catalan. That was strange and the attack to the culture offensive. People were sick of a party that was never voted in Catalonia. There were constant attempts to dialogue, 18, have been computed: from a federal-oriented project to an economic agreement to be able to redistribute the budget. The radical right's superlaw was that constitution and they had the judges (they suspended the one judge who dared to investigate and uncover their corruption) and what did we have? Bob-Estatut... 

6 years in a row the Catalans would go on the streets to make the Catalan crisis visible to the media. The crisis began as a the constant dissing of the Catalan identity from the Spanish government following to a full-on recession in which the government used public money to finance the banks, invested in new roads to nowhere, ghost airports while the Barcelona airport was being neglected, a high speed train stopping in towns where the plutocracy had their country house and ah! a project of a Mediterranean train halted to give priority to a faster access of Madrid to the coast. In the meantime the Catalan society, tired of complaining, started saying: "we are ready to go". My parents, long time socialists, converted to independentism because they felt the left party was laughing at their faces, not moving anywhere with the federal proposal. They lost credibility in Catalonia. 

I understand, other parts of Spain might think: "those Catalans, always asking for more". But seing a big chunk of your budget splurged away in absurd expenses didn't seem sensible, not for Spain, either. 
Anyone who knows me, knows I am not the biggest fan of Barcelona, but any Aussie, any person I'd meet anywhere found it some sort of a paradise. Hence, I don't talk biased towards the city, however... Wouldn't you want to take good care of your second biggest, and most important city? Barcelona is the visiting card for Europe, it's the first big one you hit after the Pyrenees. Wouldn't you want to show progress there, make it burst with multiculturality, presenting it as a sample of a diverse country? Wouldn't you want Barcelonians to feel part and feel proud of a cool, a unique country? Wouldn't you want to keep the Catalans happy and integrated, knowing they have a strong feeling as a culture?
And if, as some parties claim, you think there is a non-independentist silent majority, how else would you come out of doubts? 

It seems the more the central government, and that Catalan-based non-independentist new party (Ciudadanos), the most aggressive corporative side of the ones who already saved the banks with public money, ready to divide society again, the more they used the word Catalans combined with: unsolidary and other harsher words, the more opportunistic hate they innoculated in the Spanish people's minds with such speeches, miracle! The more that hate grew! 
But the Catalan resistance grew proportionally. And the need of change.

The PSOE's turn to corporativism, the Ciudadanos hate speeches and the stagnation of a do-nothing president were some factors for most of my not_so_interested_in_independence friends to say: enough is enough. The only way forward is the disconnection, let's reset. Let's start as a new nation. There is nothing to do, nothing to lose. The SPanish government, heir to the fascists want us to submit to their tyranny, by repressing language, culture, finances and infrastructures. 
I still had the hope that the Spaniards, seen the dialoguing nature of Catalonia, would just JUST stop supporting those crooks and work toward a different approach. They are more!

AND THEN IT HAPPENED...
My most rotound "YES", the convinced one, the point of no return arrived the day I heard the inner ministery say, clearly, recorded: "we have screwed up their health system". 
The documentary "las cloacas de interior" "the sweage of inner affairs" collects some of those documents. 
http://www.publico.es/politica/documental-cloacas-no-quieren-veas.html

I doubt it can be found in Spanish pages. It came out on public Catalan TV and wasn't broadcasted in Spain. I can't pretend not to see proof or hear proof on recordings of the continuous corrupt state milking the Eastern region while making others hate it for pointing at it. WHERE WAS I????

Dear Spanish citizen:
I don't care what reasons you have to believe we shouldn't be a country. I don't give a 1 cent coin for the unity of Spain any longer, or at least as long as the radical right is in charge, where not a single of their components has left their mandate after outrageous acts against their holy constitution. I don't care about monarchies and there is no reason to respect the current Spanish one, not for their words and definitely not (NOOS) for their acts.
I don't care about your facts coming from the manipulated centralistic media. 
We, you, are the people, humans, not a corporate. And I feel some Spanish individuals have dehumanised us enough.
Like many Millions of Catalans believe, this is not about that untouchable constitution the state violates and modifies in 5 minutes to accommodate to the King's offsprings. 
I understand the referendum wasn't official, and it was our best effort as a nation to peacefully demonstrate our disapproval of the Spanish empire and state of things.

It's simply not working. I doubt in the ability of the government to dialogue. 
It's over.
 Better alone than sleeping with my abuser. 

I understand as a Spaniard, you might be content with the Status Quo, and I understand you can't walk on my shoes. I understand you can only get the scope of the Catalan reality if you are Catalan. I even see where you come from, you believe in a united Spanish Kingdom (or republic), you don't want your identity shaken. Guess what? Neither do we.

We have had enough of humiliation. As a Catalan, my pledge, my vote to a new country is about DIGNITY.